Pay Attention, You're Brilliant
by Captain Peregrine
Summary: Rodney needs a little convincing...


_Welcome to the Pegasus Galaxy_, Elizabeth thought to herself dryly. She leaned back in her chair, finally finished with the report she had been reading for the last half hour. She rubbed her fingers over her eyes, suddenly feeling very tired. The last several days had been extremely difficult, what with the whole child-planet situation. Emotions had been strained because of it and Elizabeth was only now getting to the reports of the mission, though it had occurred nearly three days ago.

She had already read Sheppard, Ford and Teyla's accounts of the mission and had finally finished Rodney's. The latter's were always the most interesting to read—and often the most difficult. Unlike Sheppard, he didn't have the soldier's ability to leave emotion at the door and record the straight and simple facts. Despite what he or anyone else might think, Rodney was a man of emotion. He felt pain and remorse just like any other human being, and sometimes Elizabeth thought he felt them even more acutely. Rodney, the man who hated to be wrong, was always convinced that when people around him got hurt, it was his fault and his fault alone. As far as he was concerned, he should have _known_ how to make sure whatever happened hadn't happened. He _was_ a genius after all. And apparently the bane of being so damned intelligent was carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders while constantly trying to figure out how to fix it and keep it perfect. And he defiantly was feeling the weight of the last mission. Elizabeth could read it as clearly in his report as if he was standing right in front of her saying so to her face.

Elizabeth looked up in surprise when she heard a knock at her office door. She was even more surprised when she saw Rodney standing hesitantly in her doorway, as if torn between actually coming in and simply turning around and bolting in the opposite direction. Once again Elizabeth found herself thinking that the man had the uncanny ability to appear just as she was thinking about him.

"Rodney," Elizabeth, though bone-weary, managed a smile for her chief scientist. She was always more than happy to see the man—even when she was ready to beat him over the head with her laptop. Though he could be an ass, he was also her closest friend and one of the few people in Atlantis—hell, in two galaxies even—who spoke to her honestly and without the normal dancing around she usually experienced from people. She found his harsh bluntness refreshing. Usually. "Come on in. What can I do for you?"

Rodney walked into the room, his eyes locked on some point on her desk. His hands were buried deep into his pockets and Elizabeth immediately recognized the nervous gesture. Rodney, if even only subconsciously, knew how much information and emotion he could convey through his hands. He also knew that not everyone could interpret said emotions and that Elizabeth happened to be one of the few. Which meant he didn't want her to know what he was thinking or feeling—which automatically made _her_ nervous. And it didn't help that he was appearing just as she was finishing his report of the previous mission. Immediately Elizabeth knew that his visit was directly linked and once again she found his appearance uncannily coincidental.

_I mean, really_, Elizabeth thought to herself, _does he just _plan_ it that way?_

"I, uh, I just wanted to… am I interrupting something?" Rodney asked, as if suddenly noticing her open computer. Immediately warning bells started ringing in Elizabeth's head. The man only hesitated and beat around the bush like this when he came to tell her something that he really _didn't_ want to tell her. And that always meant that it was something important.

"No, no." Elizabeth said, pushing the laptop aside. "Not at all. I had actually just finished. Now, what can I do for you?"

"Finished what?" Rodney asked way too casually, pulling his hands from his pockets only to cross his arms across his chest.

_Fine_, Elizabeth thought. She could play his game. She was positive now that his sudden appearance had everything to do with SGA-1's latest mission, and she was ready to tell him so.

"Actually," Elizabeth answered with equal casualness, "I was just finished reading your latest report. The one from your last mission."

Rodney paled and his hands dropped to his sides. He suddenly looked for all the world like a deer caught in the headlights and Elizabeth thought for a moment that he actually was going to run. But then he cleared his throat and crossed his arms again, lifting his chin in a clear "I feel nothing, thus nothing can hurt me" gesture that Elizabeth had become far too familiar with.

"Oh, really?" Rodney said, his voice quivering slightly with a million pent-up emotions. "Well, coincidently enough, that's what I came to talk to you about."

_Thought so_, Elizabeth thought triumphantly, though she managed to keep the grin off her face. Instead she simply raised an eyebrow and gestured to one of the chairs in front of her desk. Rodney hesitated a moment before deflating slightly and collapsing into one of the pieces of furniture. He suddenly looked like he was trying to shrink into himself and Elizabeth knew that this was something not only important, but also something difficult for Rodney to even express. And Elizabeth had a very good idea what he was going to say.

Rodney sat silent for several minutes and Elizabeth was beginning to wonder if he would even say anything at all when he raised his blue eyes to meet hers. Elizabeth immediately felt her heart ach for all the pain and grief and remorse she saw bleeding from him, filling him like a bowl overflowing.

"Elizabeth," Rodney said, his voice rough, "I wanted to say… uh, what I wanted to… I…" he sighed and suddenly seemed to deflate, all sense of confidence and arrogance gone. "I'm sorry."

The last words came out in such a soft whisper that Elizabeth wondered if she had even heard them at all. But she knew he had said them and she frowned slightly.

"Sorry?" Elizabeth rested her chin on her fists, fixing Rodney with her best "oh, I haven't a clue what you could possibly be talking about" look. "For what?"

Rodney looked up at her and she could see in his eyes his clear plea for her to not dig any deeper, to just accept his apology and to let it go at that so he could get back to burying his feelings until the next problem.

_Oh, like hell_.

"For… for…" Rodney sighed heavily and once again fixed his eyes on some point on her desk. "For my behavior. I wanted to apologize for how I acted… during that mission. My, uh, my greed almost killed an entire planet of children and I… I wanted to say I was sorry. For being an ass. Again."

Elizabeth sat staring across her desk at Rodney for several long moments, sitting so still that the man began to wonder if she had even been paying attention. But then she slowly planted her arms on the table and stretched them as far as they would go without her actually leaning forward. Rodney found himself staring at her hands, palm-flat against the desk, as he listened to her voice drifting across to him.

"Rodney, what happened back there…" Elizabeth knew she had to choose her words carefully. Rodney, for all his arrogance and ego, was an extremely delicate man who depended heavily on the approval of others. Elizabeth had already made it clear to him that what he had done was wrong on several levels. Now she had to make it clear to him that he had more than made up for his error and that she forgave him, and that he should forgive himself. Elizabeth leaned forward slightly and Rodney looked up at the movement, his blue eyes locking with hers. She smiled sadly. "Rodney, listen to me. You made a mistake. You made a call and it happened to be a bad one. But that happens to everyone."

Rodney snorted.

"Maybe, but when other people make mistakes, an entire planet of kids isn't waiting to pay the price for it." His eyes narrowed and he glared at her, as if wondering why she wasn't berating him for his decision to try and take the ZPM from the planet. "Besides, I'm a genius, remember? I'm not _supposed_ to make mistakes like that. I should have never have tried to take that damned ZedPM. God dammit, Elizabeth, I mean I almost got an entire planet of kids fed upon by the _Wraith_!"

"But you didn't." Elizabeth countered, trying to keep her voice steady and calm. "You kept that from happening. You realized your mistake and you _fixed_ it. Hell, Rodney, you even found a way to keep those kids from _killing_ themselves. If that isn't utter brilliance, I don't know what is."

Rodney, whose eyes had dropped to the desk again, looked up at her in surprise. Elizabeth smiled.

"Yes, Rodney, you are a genius. Idiot you may be sometimes, but you are still brilliant. And that brilliance has saved more lives than I can even count. Face it Rodney," Elizabeth said, "we've only been here, what, a few _weeks_ and already you've saved the city and everyone living here half a dozen times. And that's not even counting what you've done simply for your _team_. You saved Major Sheppard and everyone aboard that puddle jumper from _decompressing_ when it got jammed in the 'Gate. You saved Teyla from suspicion when your team kept getting attacked by the Wraith and now you just saved a planet populated by kids not only from the Wraith, but from ritual suicide as well. If that's not genius, Rodney, then I don't know what is."

Rodney stared at Elizabeth with wide blue eyes. It was clear that he wanted desperately to believe her and accept her forgiveness, but she also knew that it would take more than a few words and pep talks to get him feeling like his old self again. She knew it was his guilt weighing so heavily on him and Elizabeth couldn't help but think that this would only get worse in the future, and not better. But she would do for Rodney what she could _now_ and worry about those other bridges when she came to them. She sighed and leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms and gazing coolly across the desk at Rodney.

"I'm going to say this only once, so I suggest you pay attention." She said shortly and Rodney's eyes flicked to hers once again. "You, Dr. Rodney McKay, are a complete _idiot_ if you think that you did not do the right thing. I would never have let you come on this expedition if I even once thought that I couldn't trust you. And I trust you, Rodney. You are one of the most brilliant people I have ever met, and anyone would be lucky to have you on their team. I'm just happy that I got you first."

Rodney stared at her, but the look of quiet desperation and suffocating guilt had vanished. It had been replaced by one of pure surprise—and not just a little embarrassment. But Elizabeth could also tell that he was immensely relieved to hear her words, not to mention extremely pleased. She saw his crooked mouth twitch with a small smile and his blue eyes held none of the emotions she had seen so clearly before. Oh, she knew they were still there, but they had retreated back to whatever corner Rodney kept them in. They would resurface again in his nightmares, she knew, for the same thing happened to her whenever she closed her eyes. But at least now he could face himself and his peers again without doubting that what he was doing was for the better.

Most of the time. He'd still have to make sure his ego didn't outweigh his better judgment and Elizabeth knew that she would constantly have to be redirecting him if it did. But then, that was what she liked so much about Rodney. He was a challenge, but he presented it honestly. The man could damn well drive her to distraction, making her want to tear her hair out as much as she wanted to whack him up the back of the head, but he was honest and forward and charming in that arrogant, annoyingly brilliant way of his.

"Well," Rodney said, clearing his throat. "I, uh, I'm… that's uh… I… wait a minute. Did you say _one _of the most brilliant?"

Elizabeth laughed and grabbed a pen, throwing it at Rodney and watching it bounce harmlessly off the arm raised to protect his face. He was grinning openly now and Elizabeth shook her head.

"Fine. The most brilliant. But don't let it go to your head. Radek's pretty close behind you."

Rodney rolled his eyes.

"Oh, _please_. Zentinsky couldn't write a simple _equation_ let alone—"

"Is there anything else or should I get back to work?" Elizabeth asked, ignoring Rodney's last comment. The man stopped in mid-rant and blushed.

"Oh. Right. I'll, uh, I'll just go then." Rodney said as he got to his feet. He paused and cleared his throat. "And, um… thanks." He mumbled before he rushed out of her office. Elizabeth smiled looked down at her computer screen.

"Any time, Rodney." She murmured. "Any time."


End file.
